Some of you have no idea what that line means. However, some of you knew exactly what it means AND where it came from. To those who are in the dark, I'll feed you baby birds. That is from one of my favorite movies, Ghostbusters. I always use it when my wife, Karen, and I go into panic mode over something.
Let me give you another glimpse into our home life. When something or someone doesn't quite turn out the way we had expected, we usually look at each other, wave our hands out in front of us and say to each other, "I guess they're different." That is from the movie, The Fantastic Mr. Fox.
We always laugh with each other, not matter who might be watching us. We have tons of inside jokes that almost bring us to tears.
I tell you this to share another great line I told my wife last night. I say line, because it was a sentence, not because it was fake. As I was getting ready for bed last night and my mind was wandering as it sometimes does, something hit me. I peaked out the bathroom door as my wife was reading and said, "I like being married to you." Did you see that? I just scored some more brownie points.
In all seriousness, can you say that to your wife?
This week's challenge to us Gold Medal Dads is to "Communicate with Mom." I find myself communicating with her more and more this week because like last week, it is a major effort to get all of these boxes checked.
Last night when I said that, she seemed shocked. Not in that I said it, but that is seemed obvious to her. I felt the need to say it because I think a lot of times that women don't think men like being married at times. I myself like the extra cash to feed my superhero t-shirt and video games habit, but I digress.
I can honestly say, Karen is my best friend. I have a guy that is like a brother to me, but we're not as close as Karen and I. We laugh at the way we can take a favorite movie quote and insert into a conversation. We love the way that we both look for "That's what she said" moments in every day conversation and can't wait to call the other one and talk about it, just to laugh again.
Tonight, we went out to eat without Brighton. Trust me, he was there in spirit. We talk about him so much that someone finally asks to see a picture. Anyway, Karen was talking to someone while I was talking to another couple. Do you know what we were doing? Having the same conversation, essentially, but were building the other one up to the person we were talking to.
On the flip side, how many times do you vent to someone else about your spouse, sometimes complete strangers? How many times is that someone your kids? See where I am going with this?
Growing up, I knew if I wanted something, I went to Mama. I knew I had a better shot at it with her than I did with my Dad. It shouldn't be like that.
Brighton is already trying it and he is three. I can hear him go and ask Karen something and then I hear his footsteps coming my way down the hallway. He asks me the same thing and I ask him what his Mama said. My 3-year-old sighs and tells me or I just holler and ask Karen. I want him to know that his Mama and Daddy and are a united front. We might discuss the decision and someone's viewpoint might change, but Brighton is seeing that divide and conquer will not work in our home. Heck, Karen liked the University of Tennessee before we started dating. She now wears crimson and yells "Roll Tide!" with the best of them because she wanted us united...and because there was no way I was changing sides. Marriage is about compromise, isn't it?
However, all of this boils down to you and your wife enjoying being married to each other. Here are some examples i thought of to complete this week's goals.
1. Give Mom some alone time this week.
This is a win-win. You can spend some time with the kids and Mom gets a break. Play video games with them. Go outside and play. Go to a baseball game. Take them for ice cream cones. Just go. I run the water for Karen's bathtub and vow to keep Brighton away from the door.
2. Have some one-on-one time with your wife/child's Mom.
Date night, call a babysitter, go walking just the two of you and talk, without being interrupted. Most importantly, put the cell phones up!! It's hard for me, too.
3. Do one extra household task this week to help Mom.
Fold some clothes, clean up after dinner. My wife always says thanks when I help her clean up after supper. She says it makes her feel less like a maid. And, it allows for more family time later.
4. Talk with Mom about how you parent as a team.
This should happen whenever the opportunity presents itself. Parenting is a team sport. Even if divorce is a part of the equation, don't let the children suffer because of it. Trust me, I know, divorce sucks from a kid's perspective no matter the age.
5. Ask Mom for one way you can improve as a Dad.
I asked this and I got a lot of answers. Don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing? Just kidding, but seriously, communicate to each other about how you can both improve. We constantly have "performance reviews." She'll ask how my Christian walk is doing and if there is anything she can do differently and vice versa. Guys, if you treat your wife like a queen and concentrate on making her happy and feel special, she will do the same thing for you. This in turn makes you a stronger parenting team, which makes strong children. Then they get older and have kids, and the chain continues.
6. Say something positive to or about Mom in front of the kids.
This could also say, "Don't tear Mom down in front of the kids." A child will automatically want to protect Mom. It is in their nature. A little girl is going be scared and a little boy will sometimes enter the argument. Don't do this to your kids. I will share for a moment. One night, Karen and I were discussing something and our voices got loud. Brighton came in and said, "Why not you be happy to each other?" We weren't fussing, but it broke my heart to hear my little boy say that. Children DO NOT need to hear their parents fuss. Never. It doesn't teach them anything. In today's world, children need to know their Mama and Daddy love each other. Sure, spouses fuss. You can't live with someone for that long and not have a disagreement.
Build your spouse up to your kids. "Isn't your Mama a good cook?" "Look how pretty Mama is tonight." "Mama put her makeup on BEFORE she got in the car on the way to church." You know, things like that...
7. Resolve not to say anything negative about Mom.
This is very similar to #6 but it needs to be repeated. Daddys especially need to watch how they treat their wives. Your little boys want to be just like you. I have a shadow following me around all the time. I am on constant guard about how I speak and treat Karen. I open doors for her and tell Brighton he needs to do the same. I tell Brighton he doesn't need to interrupt a woman, especially Mama, when she is talking. We don't go into a store or somewhere else in front of Mama. She is first because she loves us so much. Besides, Karen does an excellent job of showing that there is still a chance I might be Superman to my son and I am grateful for that.
In closing, investigate and talk to your spouse about why you got together in the first place. I told you before, Karen and I dated for six years before we got married. We jokingly say that we got together because God had no idea what to do with us. We both know that God blesses us our marriage because we constantly are working on it. Let me put it in "man" terms for you.
How good of a golfer would you be if you only played once a year? I can tell you because that's exactly what I do. I play in a four-man scramble every year at our church picnic. Our team shot three-over yesterday. I had about three good "golf" shots. The rest of them were OK. Most of them were...let's just say I could have saved my back and just thrown the ball directly at the trees.
I say that because our marriages and parenting is like that four-man scramble. We have help around us to pick us up when we're down. If I chose to play golf at least once a week, every week until next year's tournament, don't you think I would improve. Parenting is not a once-in-awhile thing and our marriages are definitely not like that.
We have to work every day to be the husbands and dads that deserve that Gold Medal.
So, as always, be the Father God wants you to be and the Daddy your kids (and Mom) need you to be.
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